Your Bank is Just Not That Into You:

Adrian Hacker
2 min readFeb 27, 2020

(How Your Bank is #%@&ing You Over)

I would like to think that you and I are friends. That is what makes telling you this so difficult, you know. Your bank is only using you for your money. To make matters worse, your bank has established policies and conveniences in the hopes that they can Jedi mind trick you into overdraft oblivion. Rinse. Repeat.

Your bank is taking the money that you deposit, and lending it to other people…behind your back. What a skank bank. I know for a fact that they’re charging about 5.5% interest on mortgages and around 16.99% interest on credit cards. Then your bank has the nerve to turn around and tell you how amazing the 1.60% APY you’re getting is unheard of. You are worth way more than 1.60%.

It just so happens that I know this other place you can store your money, and you will be treated like royalty. How does 8% on your savings sound? Compounded daily? It sounds too good to be true, but I’ve been telling you for a long time that you are total money manager material, and it’s about time you were treated like such.

Now, I don’t want you to go have some torrid rebound affair with your mom’s credit union. I know it’s tempting: they’re always going on about such low-interest rates on their loans and that being an account holder makes you an “owner” as well.

It just so happens the friend I wanna hook you up with will also make you part of the stakeholder process. You will get to vote on interest rates, debt ceilings, stability fee’s, and other important issues. When your mom’s one branch credit union comes around looking for a “looty” call, you can be like, “I don’t have time right now. I am busy with my new financial platform. I’m a shot-caller!” Then slam the door in that credit union’s face.

After I have walked you through all of that banking drama, that I know you know is the truth, I just have one question for you?


I didn’t think so. Meet my friend:

Quit working so hard to keep your money and let your money work hard to keep you.



Adrian Hacker

Cryptocurrency enthusiast and student of life, in Portland, OR